Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
