Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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