What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were trust falling into bushes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
