she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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