best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
