How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
