I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
