I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
