did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
