Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
