How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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