I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
