oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
