Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
