I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
