So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
