one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
