I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
