the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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