Only a mothe r could love this liver
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
