The best revenge is premature balding
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
