just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
