He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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