I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
