I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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