You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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