Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
