STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
