He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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