I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
