just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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