I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
