Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
