but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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