Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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