PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
