I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
