so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he thought i was a dude.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
