I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Boobs are out for the taking
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
