I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
