Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
