He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
