I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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