mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
