my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
