who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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