Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
