That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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