During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I want is dick and wine.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
