I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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